What qualifies as a good day.

I would say today was a good day.  

We did nothing special, the kids had their pajamas on all day.  

Dishes are still dirty and laundry is not all folded.  We swept up crumbs and cleaned up spills.  

There was arguing, pulling of toys and hitting when toys got pulled.  There was forgiveness and hugs.  

I yelled at the kids (maybe twice) and then apologized and talked about how mommy is not perfect.

We engaged.  We played.  We read.  

We spent time alone and time together.  There were tears from some and laughter from all.

There was talk of God, singing of praises and reading from the Bible.

Today was a good day.

You see, one thing I have come to realize is that God does not call perfect people to be moms.  That a day does not have to be conflict free to be good.  He does call us to seek Him, to teach our children His ways and to gracefully allow Him to work through us.  Its not about looking like we have it all together, because none of us really do.  We all need Him.  I am so glad that in my weakness He is strongest.  That in my failures, His light shines through.  Its about seeking Him daily and allowing Him to make our day good, because He is good.

Life without a mom.

This title has run through my head many times.  It is a statement too many have to say in this life.  

Lately, our youngest son has started saying "Hey Mama!" when he walks into the room, or driving in the car.  These words are some of the sweetest I have ever heard.  Mama.  I am his and he is mine.  He has a mom.  Our precious boy waited 20 months before he could say that with the full meaning behind it.  I am his mother.  

To me a mother is so much - a supporter, a teacher, a fan, a protector, a provider, a prayer warrior, a tender care taker, a shoulder, joy, a listener.  At least in my life, thats what my mother was.  

At age 30, I had to say good bye to my mom.  I know I will see her again and I know He has wiped every tear from her ever weary body, but I still had to say good bye.  There are moments, as an adult, when I would love nothing more than to have my mother with me.  To listen to the hard day, to encourage me, to allow me to brag on her precious grand-children and for her to see her legacy.  But I have a blessing amidst all the longings - I had an incredible mother, and her character still rings true and strong in my life and my families.  When I listen to my sweet boy say those words to me I cannot help but think of the numerous children out there who have not had the chance to utter those words.  They do not know what a mothers touch feels like... what a pit I have in my stomach and soul just writing that last sentence.  To live life with out a mom.  No one should have to endure that.  Just makes me think - who else is God calling me to be a mom too.  

Catching up...

Wow - its been a long time.  Lets start with this picture.

This was our first picture with the five of us just two short days after Jaden had come into our home.  Isn't he the sweetest.

We quickly settled into having three kids, the kids blended well and just took to each other.  As I sit typing tonight I am preparing for a trip to Austin next week and I feel I should write these thoughts down so that I do not forget some of the details as years go on.  Soon after Jaden came to our home we had a doctors visit that threw us for a loop... the first of many.  Jaden had a skin tag that was to be removed, but when meeting with the specialist in Austin and consulting with some of them we had an MRI done and discovered it was much more than a skin tag.  This was the first of many trips to Austin that we would take over the next few months.  When receiving the results of the MRI we found out that the skin tag actually had spinal nerve in it, along with a tethered cord that would have to be repaired at the base of his spine.  This actually puts him in the category of having Spina Bifida.  We were shocked.  We did not even know exactly what it meant.  All that we know was that this sweet boy who had come into our care only a few months before was in need of major spine surgery and we were the only caregivers he had.  So - we moved forward.  Jaden had an 8 hour intensive spine surgery followed by spending 5 days at the hospital to monitor him.  He did incredible!  The doctors were so skilled and we could not have asked for him to be in better hands.  I got to spend the days following with him in the hospital room and it was such a sweet bonding time.  This little man is a trooper.  He responded so well, by day 5 he was sitting and by about 10 days after he was walking again and has only gotten faster since.  This picture is one of my favorites.  I was reminded daily that God put this precious boy into our trust to care for while we are here.  We have been honored to walk through this unknown with him.

So now the follow-ups.  Since the surgery Jaden has had multiple follow-up appointments and they have all been nothing but positive.  If you could not see the scares you would never know this little mover fits into the Spina Bifida category.  So for now - we continue to go every 6 months and have him checked out by all the specialists and we are just praying that he continues to develop and grow without any difficulties.  We go Tuesday and I look forward to giving them the paperwork with his new name and finally declaring him as my SON.

I have many fun... and challenging stories to share as we walked through Jaden's time as our foster son.  They will come.  But for now, we rest in the incredible love our Father has on Jaden and are thankful that we get to be his forever parents and family.  

We love you Jaden James Waller.

What do we wave.

As we sit this side of Easter, I have thought a lot about how much we relate.  How quickly we wave our palm branches to our Lord but then quickly switch when things don't seem as they should.  In our own lives I have seen this a lot in the last few months.  

We get our fostering licensee - we wave our palm branches, shouting Hosanna, grateful that God has included us in this big calling.

Waiting - I quickly pick up the hammer and question why it is taking so long or what we are not going "right" to get a placement.

Placement - Branches.  Waving high.  

Custody battle - Hammer.

Settles down and things are looking good for us - Make the switch again, once again God must be looking out for us.

Spine issues and major surgery - Hammer, Branches, I am not sure which one I want to hold right now.

"He cannot go home with you" - Hammer.  

We have to stop playing this game.

God give us the faith to hold the branches.  Give us the faith to remain the course even when it does not make sense.  Let us set down the hammer, let us trust that You are bigger.  We look at the present, You give us Eternity.  We want answers, You give us your truth.  Oh that we may see eternity and long for Heaven.  Thank you for that promise.  Thank you that you have already won the battle.  What a high calling - let us stay the course.  Let our eyes remain fixed on Him.

18 months big.

Ty is now 18 months old.  We feel as though he has grown and changed so much these last months, what a fun age!  Ty now has all his teeth (at least for a few years), he is into making animal sounds, can do some great faces (we have quite the charmer on our hands), talking more and more and very much an explorer.  Love this little guy, reminded daily of Gods goodness when we look at him!

Simple Obedience

Its Tiny.

Its holding.

Its not loving your child, but loving His child.

Its a blessing.

What a joy it was to care for you Baby J.  We pray you find a forever home that is godly.

We pray that you would come to know your creator.

The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

The Good: We received two phone calls in the last 24 hours about foster care placements.
The Bad: Beds are still empty, our home was not chosen for these little lives.
The Ugly: Emotions went from excited to tears while digging for chocolate in the pantry.

This is hard… and its only the beginning.

To hear that your home was not chosen is a tough pill to swallow.  Really?!? Do they not realize that we are those border line crazy people who want to take in a dozen kids and need to get started on this "Calling" before it doesn't work into OUR timing.  Ha.  What a day to step back, be still, and live out what it means to trust His plan.  I knew it was a hard road, but until today I did not understand.  We want to love on these kids, but we have to get them into our home first.  PATIENCE PATIENCE.  He whispers these words and they echo in my heart.  Today, I prayed for babies I probably will never see.  Today, God brought us closer to Him and increased our desire to love the least of these.  Ps 68.5: "God places the lonely in families."  Oh that He would use us to fulfill those words.  

I write this tonight to be vulnerable and to invite you who read to pray for our family.  Pray that God would bring precious children who need a home, that we would be patient and trust in His timing.  Most of all, that He would use us to make an impact.  What an incredible thought: that all children would have a loving family to teach them of the God who formed them.  That all children would believe that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.