His story

This is my story

This is my song

Praising my Savior

All the day long

Lately I have been thinking a lot of our sons story.  How I will someday soon tell him of his story and why we have no baby pictures of him.  About his birth family and how he came to be adopted into our family.  

Jaden was adopted.  Was in the past tense because it is complete.  It is finished.  He is our son.  But still - his story is unique from our other two bio children.  My prayer is that he will grow to embrace his story, to live his life to the fullest, and to praise his Savior through it.  He may not have the start that all children have, but he is loved greatly and I truly believe God is going to use his story to impact lives around him.  

What a story and a picture of Gods goodness.  When I think of Jaden I think of Gods promise in John 14.18 - I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.

I cant help but think of the many children out there who have a story of their own.  How does God want us to change that story to one of hope.  My story has changed as a result of opening my home to these precious little ones and I will certainly praise my Savior for how He has opened our eyes and hearts to this incredible need.  Some parts of our story we cannot choose, some we step out in faith not knowing where it will lead us.  

Either way it impacts our lives and makes us who we are today.  If you have ever considered adoption I would love to talk with you more about it.  Alone we cannot change the world but God can change a few through my family - and possibly yours... 

A Chapter Ends

It is never easy to end a chapter in ones story, but it is equally exciting to see what the next step holds.  This season of our life has been a particularly significant one for our family.  We walked through the ugly cancer that took my mom home to our Lord, we added two incredible blessings to our family, we watched our children grow, we journeyed through fostering, we grew as a couple and individuals, we even learned to love the country.  As a wife, I watched my husband serve and pour himself out into a ministry.  He put in long hours, endless effort and much sweat leading others to Christ - well done Matt - I could not be more proud.

So we come to this week, our last week at camp and in the beautiful Hill Country.  We have been in camping ministry for 9 years and often it is hard to imagine anything different.  During our time here though, God has been molding our hearts and preparing us for where Matt is to serve next in his vocation and where we are supposed to serve as a family.  

This fall Matt is going to be joining the staff at Midland Classical Academy and in just two shorts weeks we will be calling Midland our home.  We are excited about this next step.  As we are preparing for the move and shift in ministry God has laid this verse on my heart:

"Look around at the nations; look and be amazed!  For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it." -Habakkuk 1.5

We look expectantly at this next chapter in His story of our lives and are eager to see how He wants to use us.  We will forever be grateful for the relationships that were made, the changes that came in our lives and the growth that God brought us through as we walked life here.  We know more is to come.

Prayers for the next few weeks:

-for our kiddos as they adjust to the change and the new house

-for moving details, organization and smooth transition

-that our house here would sell

-that we would continue to feel confident and follow His leading

The word no foster home wants to hear...

Let's go ahead and get it out there.  
Investigation.
It has been a year since we travelled through ours and I hope our story can encourage those who are currently in one, or are scared to be found in the mix of one.  One thing we learned, if you are a foster home it is not if, it is when.  So just prepare yourself.
One year ago Jaden and I were recovering from his spine surgery and having some good quality time together.  He chilled on his stomach for 5 days and I talked to him, watched his sweet face light up with he got to hold a ball, and... we slept a lot.  It was an interesting week.  I was spending my first days away from my other kids to care for a boy who had only been in my home for a short time.  We loved him and we were prepared to adopt him into our family if things moved in that direction, but we did not know him or have that deep connection with him yet.  
So - moving forward - a few days after being in recovery the doctor wanted to do an X-ray of Jadens' lungs just to make sure all was doing well.  Shortly after the x-ray they let me know of an abnormality on one of his ribs.  Shocked, I called his case worker to see if she had known of a prior injury at a different home.  
Insert investigation. 
The doctors could not date the abnormality since he had never had a prior chest x-ray, so they could not tell if it was a current injury or an abnormality he has had since birth.  
I will never forget the phone call, the heart wrenching phone call that brought me to me knees.  He cannot come home with you.  What?!?  This sweet boy of only 1 years old has already been moved from home to home, just encountered major spine surgery and you are going to place him in a strangers care.  I was broken.  Not for me but for him.  I felt attacked.  We discovered this, we got him this care, we have given him all that we had to offer, we were under investigation.
Two days later I carried Jaden to the car of our case manager and watched them drive away.  I then started the long 3 hour drive home.  I prayed, I sobbed, I called close friends and somehow I made the drive home safely.  I held my two children for a long time that night and Matt and I cried together.
We felt helpless.  We were in a fish bowl.  We had people come to our house, we had to document every appointment that we had ever taken him to (which was a ton), we spent a few days/weeks not knowing what was going to happen next.  
After the fog cleared we began to work through it all.  It boiled down to this - they had to wait 30 days to do another x-ray and compare the two.  That would show if it was an injury or something he was born with.  So we waited.  It seems that in that waiting, in the place when we cannot do much, we hear God speak truth and light into our lives.  

1 Peter 1.7
These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

We got to walk through a trial and trust God.  We got to see how God fights for us.  We got to see how precious each little life is.  
We also gained some perspective as we move forward in fostering (yes we are still fostering even after this crazy ride!) CPS is not broken.  They are people working in a broken world.  They had to take these steps because sadly enough, it is why children are in foster care in the first place.  That have seen things that I could never dream of.  They must protect the children, and for that I am grateful.  We had an incredible case worker who did all she could to get him back into our home. We got to visit often, she brought him out to our house, she got his state attorney involved... which is where the fun part of the story begins.
Court - state attorney, case worker, another family wanting custody, case manager, judge, us... intense.  She gave the facts, he granted that we go pick him up that day.  Two days later a second x-ray was done showing no change, proving no injury.  Our boy was home.  Investigation closed.  No words could say how full we felt but also how much we had grown.  Every time we walk through something like this we learn and we grow.  Now looking back on the past year sometimes it is just a distant memory.  Sometimes my heart aches and I can find myself right back there.  But what a place to be, on my knees.  

So thats our investigation.  God worked and we saw another way that he loves us all.

What qualifies as a good day.

I would say today was a good day.  

We did nothing special, the kids had their pajamas on all day.  

Dishes are still dirty and laundry is not all folded.  We swept up crumbs and cleaned up spills.  

There was arguing, pulling of toys and hitting when toys got pulled.  There was forgiveness and hugs.  

I yelled at the kids (maybe twice) and then apologized and talked about how mommy is not perfect.

We engaged.  We played.  We read.  

We spent time alone and time together.  There were tears from some and laughter from all.

There was talk of God, singing of praises and reading from the Bible.

Today was a good day.

You see, one thing I have come to realize is that God does not call perfect people to be moms.  That a day does not have to be conflict free to be good.  He does call us to seek Him, to teach our children His ways and to gracefully allow Him to work through us.  Its not about looking like we have it all together, because none of us really do.  We all need Him.  I am so glad that in my weakness He is strongest.  That in my failures, His light shines through.  Its about seeking Him daily and allowing Him to make our day good, because He is good.

Life without a mom.

This title has run through my head many times.  It is a statement too many have to say in this life.  

Lately, our youngest son has started saying "Hey Mama!" when he walks into the room, or driving in the car.  These words are some of the sweetest I have ever heard.  Mama.  I am his and he is mine.  He has a mom.  Our precious boy waited 20 months before he could say that with the full meaning behind it.  I am his mother.  

To me a mother is so much - a supporter, a teacher, a fan, a protector, a provider, a prayer warrior, a tender care taker, a shoulder, joy, a listener.  At least in my life, thats what my mother was.  

At age 30, I had to say good bye to my mom.  I know I will see her again and I know He has wiped every tear from her ever weary body, but I still had to say good bye.  There are moments, as an adult, when I would love nothing more than to have my mother with me.  To listen to the hard day, to encourage me, to allow me to brag on her precious grand-children and for her to see her legacy.  But I have a blessing amidst all the longings - I had an incredible mother, and her character still rings true and strong in my life and my families.  When I listen to my sweet boy say those words to me I cannot help but think of the numerous children out there who have not had the chance to utter those words.  They do not know what a mothers touch feels like... what a pit I have in my stomach and soul just writing that last sentence.  To live life with out a mom.  No one should have to endure that.  Just makes me think - who else is God calling me to be a mom too.